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I didn't see it anywhere in the documentation or FAQ. Which of the following URLs should be set on the Paypal side to connect IPN correctly?

Is it or or or or

PPDE use the following return URL : https://yourdomain.com/ipn-listener

But you can define what you want in the PayPal configuration page.
The URL you enter on the PayPal site will only be used if you receive a PayPal transaction from a method that does not originate from PPDE.
Eg: a custom page, or a Custom PayPal button.

So, if I put https://yourdomain.com/ipn-listener the donating user will be added to my defined in PPDE group and any other uses (from other extensions) of PayPal from my board will NOT trigger the user joining the group, correct?

This means that if someone makes a donation to your PayPal account and no value is provided for the "return_url" parameter, the default value defined in your PayPal account will be used.

But if a donation is made outside the PPDE process, the extension will not process it. This is because the values received will not correspond to those expected.